Riku is Riku

Summary: This is not for you if you have a soft spot for Riku.

(Inspired by: Billie Eilish - What Was I Made For?)

To Lord Kirinmaru and Lady Midoriko,

First of all, I'm sorry if my introduction comes across as strange. I find myself unsure about how to properly address both of you. But could you please spare a moment for me? I promise, it won't take much time.

I want to share with you something that has been in me for a long time. It's a journey. A journey of self-discovery, and it's been a rollercoaster of emotions.

At first, I had no idea what I was made for. I questioned my existence, wondering who I truly am. It was a confusing puzzle, like trying to fit the pieces of a jigsaw together without knowing the picture it would create.

Sometimes, I find myself resembling a lone leaf. It makes me feel like I'm floating in the expansive sea of existence—no apparent destination, no sense of purpose. I honestly feel lost.

This confusion in my life weighs heavily on me. I feel trapped, entangled in the threads of something unknown. It feels like I'm looking for a route that will guide me out of this maze of doubt.

I don't want to make things too hard, and I want to stay positive. I tried to think about something else. Even if it seems like I'm imagining things, having irrational thoughts, or hallucinating — call me delusional — I keep dreaming.

I questioned whether I possessed the characteristics of a pure demon because of my powers. But every time I faced my reflection in the mirror, all I saw there was a beautiful creature staring back at me—my reflection in the mirror displayed enchanting human features.

Lovely human features infused with the strength of a demon. It made me think that maybe...maybe I was a half-demon, a remarkable union of two different worlds.

Someone mentioned that I bear a strong resemblance to Lady Midoriko, but in a male form. We both share a similar forehead, each of us with a purple stripe on our eyelids, and we both have big, beautiful eyes. It was also brought up that I have a resemblance to Lord Kirinmaru as well. When it comes to having a serious expression, we both seem to look the same, and our smiles are reminiscent of each other. We both have green eyes, and my skin color is somewhat similar to his.

In the eyes of those who observe me, they often feel amazed because it feels like they're seeing two entirely different people. It's amusing because it also gives them goosebumps, as they think I might be the offspring of a great demon and the most powerful human priestess. Truly a unique combination!

I found this concept interesting, and it brought a beam of happiness to me. It fills me with hope. I maintain the view that when the right time comes, I will learn the truth about myself. I believed that my entire personality would take shape, and I could finally answer the question that had haunted me for so long.

But life has a way of revealing its secrets,

and sometimes those secrets are painful to accept…

The day I discovered that I was just an incarnation, born from a detached horn, was a day that shook me to my core. I couldn't believe it at first; it seemed like a cruel joke. I was not the offspring of a fond connection between a demon and a human, as I had hoped.

Instead, I was a mere fragment of something greater...

Every time I think about this painful reality, I can't help but ask why life is so complicated. Why is life so unfair? Why do I feel like I'm being punished? Is it too much to ask for the life I had hoped for?

Suddenly, I felt this unexpected discomfort in my back. A stabbing sensation, as if I'm being severely wounded; it feels like I'm being stabbed over and over again. Why do I have to experience this kind of pain? I don't understand.

How cruel it is when I sense my feet leading me into the place I wish I could erase from memory.

It says,

“Welcome to the Devil’s Playground!”

I'm starting to panic. I wanted to leave that place because I was afraid of what I might see there, but it seemed like I had lost the strength to move my legs. I was stuck in the middle, just standing alone, observing how they treated me like I was a doormat. I felt like the whole world was watching me.

Pay attention and listen closely. Let me tell you what I see and observe.

Those narcissistic individuals called me hurtful names.

The sound of their laughter turned sinister when they learned where I came from. You can also hear the sheer volume of insults everywhere. You'll see how heavily I was criticized and how much I suffered at the hands of those lacking empathy, feeling as if they are entitled to a sense of their own importance and superiority over others. I felt like I was surrounded by darkness, and it was so uncomfortable. I am feeling very lonely.

I'm tired of hearing their opinions where they act like they have the right to express their thoughts about me. Life is becoming mean. You'll notice how they even celebrate and thank that I've ended up being like trash.

They say,

"Thank goodness, Riku isn't Kirinmaru and Midoriko's child."

"That guy truly doesn't need a mother and a father."

"That horn doesn't deserve anything better."

"He is destined to be alone forever."

"I can't wait to see him dead."

I wish to talk to them, one by one, and ask about what's the problem? I’m just wondering how they can keep breathing and sleep well when they know they're hurting someone. Destroying someone's life because they see it as worthless? How pathetic!

Is it my fault to be a puppet?

Do they think I desired the life that destiny handed to me?

I feel so small for not living up to their impossible higher expectations...

During my toughest times, I had someone I valued who was always there for me, and that person was Lady Towa. She is the daughter of Lord Sesshomaru and Lady Rin. She gave me important advice that helped me learn how to be tough and independent, like a lone wolf.

She says,

"It's you versus everyone? Don't feel discouraged if they express hatred for you. Have you ever wondered why they join forces against you? Because you are strong, really strong, and that scares them. They can't face you one-on-one, so they team up and form groups. They try to create an army because they're afraid to fight alone. Within those armies, they attempt to harm you, say mean things about you, and exclude you from things. They will do everything to bring you down. And you know what? That won't work either because you are too powerful. That's why they team up against you.

Some people out here are laughing at you for living your most authentic life – your most real, incredibly captivating, invested, joyful, and full of life. Sure, they might have a whole crew or something like that, gossiping about you. Meanwhile, you're up there on cloud nine, gazing at the sky with your chin held high. But there's something they're not telling you, and they'll never admit it to you—they're miserable. You're living your best life, and they're out here laughing at you while living their worst life.

Remember this: Cowards prefer being in a group. You must recognize your own strength and resilience. Don't let them in on your plans. Heal yourself. Get better so you don't end up like those who caused you trauma. Just act, be proactive. You have a unique radiance. Keep shining. Keep that air of mystery about you. You are you. Riku is Riku. Don't change for anyone."

Hearing those words fills me with a sense of comfort. It's like a tender warmth has surrounded me, and suddenly, I feel alive again. Her caring words have worked as a relieving treatment, tending to the wounds I bear. At those moments, her kindness becomes a lifeline, reminding me that genuine care and love still exist in this world.

As the days went by, I came to understand and accept this harsh reality. It was not an easy journey, and I faced many moments of doubt and sadness. However, there was one thing I held onto, one ray of hope that kept me going. I've regained my ability to dream big once again. I'm grateful to Lady Towa for encouraging me to make choices that are best for me and for guiding me on how to get through my most challenging times. She's right! All I need to do is take a deep breath. This is just a chapter in my life, not the entirety of my story.

If I could be born again, I wished for both of you to be my mother and father...

In my next life, I imagined that I would no longer feel the pain of being different, of being judged by others who couldn't understand my true nature. The harsh laughter and ridicule would be a distant memory. I'll never be confronted with those malicious insults again. I would finally be genuinely happy, and my journey toward completion would come to an end. I would have the family I had always wished for.

I know it might be a hefty demand, but I wish to finish this letter that will breathe life into me. I'd be grateful if you'd agree to let me call you 'mother and father' even just for a while. I want to experience how it feels to speak to my parents through this letter.

Please…

Please let this young man do it…

Let me respectfully address both of you once again.

To My Dearest Mother and Father,

I want to pour out my heart to you both, even though my life has been far from ordinary. I hope you can understand the depth of my love for you. It's not just love; it's a love that runs deeper than the oceans and higher than the mountains. It's a love that defies all odds and transcends any differences in our backgrounds.

In this life, or perhaps in whatever comes after, my greatest dream is to find my way back to your warm embrace. I long for that day when we can reunite and turn a new page in our story. I envision a future where our hearts are filled with love, where acceptance is as natural as breathing, and happiness is our constant companion.

You both are like the missing pieces of my life's puzzle. Without you, I feel incomplete, like a book missing its final chapter. But with your love, I know I can finally be whole. I hold onto the hope that someday, somehow, we'll find our way back to each other.

I pray for the day when we can sit together, laugh together, and make new memories together. Until then, know that you are always in my thoughts, my heart, and my prayers. Please, never doubt the depth of my love for you both, for it's a love that will persist through all the tests and hardships of life.

If fate allows it, we shall meet again. Thank you for listening and I'll see you in the next life. I love you both.

Your son,

Riku